Lista?

It is Tuesday. On Friday my latest adventure begins. I am heading to my internship. I leave for Minneapolis on Saturday via train from Ann Arbor. I will end up in Minneapolis Saturday night and training will start on Saturday. I have no idea how I will be getting from Minneapolis to my internship but I am not worried, it's in their hands. My internship is with Greaterworks, and I am placed at the Juarez site for at least the next nine months. It is another piece of my RPP for my Master's at School for International training. I don't know precisely what I will be doing there but the best I can describe it is community development, volunteer hours, relational ministry, intentional simple living etc.

I am excited/nervous to head back to Juarez. The last time I was there I loved it, the community, the experience but it was tainted by some bad experiences and awkward endings. I am ready to face that and hopefully move past that. I am extremely excited to see Eileen and to be back in Mexico. I don't know what it is about that experience. I love the dirt, the raw love and reality. It's not a bubble, or a comfortable life padded with expense, rules and happy smiles. Life is authentic, real, painful, but extremely full of life.

Ready, set, grow. Today I wonder what God has in store. A lot of people are saying, you should stay there, you should live there, why not just stay and graduate from there, would you live there forever? and much more. I don't have an answer for them. God is working in me and doing some crazy things. I am craving authenticity, true loving relationships, screw the politics faith, simplicity and hope that I can be a follower and not a comfy Christian. I think I have finally hit my adolescence when it comes to my need for independence from my parents. I feel like an idiot when I want to say such cliche things like.. I can do what I want, you can't make me, leave me alone, let me live my own life, its MY life!, stop taking control! etc. A lot of my friends know this struggle has been a long time coming, and its nothing personal.. I am just so jaded.

I have become jaded with comfort. I want to be bold, adventurous, I want to love til it hurts, and share it with real people. I don't want to live cushioned by privilege, catered to by institutions. Working in a corporate NGO feels the same as working for a big corp. Neither sound appealing. People ask me what I want to do, and I don't have an answer. I want to learn how to truly live, love, and be content before I figure out what vocation. I don't want to be defined by WHAT I do, but how I live. Right now I am not happy with how I live. God has been working on my heart so much to teach me how to live simply, contently, and hopefully.

My goals:

1) Take risks for relationships. It should hurt when I leave.
2) Be content, be simple. Fight my consumerism!
3) Seek God in every minute, don't just pencil it in.
4) Journal, Reflect, Talk.
5) Ask questions, learn.
6) Be present, be open to change.